


Pink Forget-Me-Nots and His Bleeding Love

by Hey_its_Ace



Series: UWMA Hanahaki Universe [1]
Category: My Engineer (TV), ด้ายแดงซีรีส์ | Until We Meet Again The Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Cliffhangers, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, Implied Thara/Frong (My Engineer), Implied/Referenced Character Death, In is Not Related to Dean, Korn is Pharm's Cousin, KornIn, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Team Teerayu Siriyothin/Win Phawin Wanichakarnjonkul, Thai BL, The Other Characters Briefly Appear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28024977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hey_its_Ace/pseuds/Hey_its_Ace
Summary: Pink Forget-Me-Notssymbolize romance, love, and gentle emotions. It can also symbolize the person never forgetting who they love - more specifically, eternal loveIn a world where the Hanahaki disease exists, Korn finds himself caught between his emotions and a boy named Intouch.
Relationships: Dean Ratthanon Chatpokin/Pharm Triwinij, Korn Ariyasakul/Intouch Chatpokin, Manaow/Pruk (Until We Meet Again), Team Teerayu Siriyothin/Win Phawin Wanichakarnjonkul
Series: UWMA Hanahaki Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094111
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	Pink Forget-Me-Nots and His Bleeding Love

**Author's Note:**

> **Story Notes:**
> 
>   * This story is set in an alternative universe; more specifically, a hanahaki and college AU. Pretend the UWMA characters exist in the same timeline and that the hanahaki disease exists. They are all attending the same university and are in different years.
>   * Korn is a fourth-year and In is a second year. The others are still in their respective year, like in the series.
>   * Korn is a cousin to Pharm, whereas Intouch has no relations to Dean, Don, and Del. Let’s also pretend Intouch is a family friend and goes by Chatpokin whereas Dean, Don, and Del go by Wongnate.
>   * If Korn and In are totally out of character (or any one of them), it’s because I originally wrote this story for a different pairing. I tried to change it so the characters fit them better and for the story to flow better. I’m not sure if I succeeded.
>   * I imagine Korn’s apartment similar to Kongpob’s in SOTUS, albeit a little bigger! You can use that layout instead if it helps!
>   * Dr. Thara is older than Korn and has already passed his degree/training. They are close enough that they refer to each other as brothers (aka Phi and Nong).
>   * I always italicize a character’s thoughts. For this fic, I only focus on Korn's thoughts.
> 

> 
> AHHHHH sorry sorry this isn't really proofread and my beta hasn't gone through this but HERE Y'ALL GO! Let me know if there are any mistakes (because there certainly are :P)

|| _**Pink Forget-Me-Nots** symbolize romance, love, and gentle emotions. It can also symbolize the person never forgetting who they love - more specifically, eternal love _||

🌸

_**Korn** _

_**Monday - November 9**_

The first day of growth: a single stem attached to his lungs with the roots almost minuscule. The type of flower - early in its growing stage - is unbeknownst to the owner of this pair of lungs, ignorant of the soon-to-be blooming buds in his chest. Brushing the itching sensation aside, he appears to have contracted a slight cold. It irks him for almost the entire day, choosing to swallow an Advil and sleep it off. He hopes that whatever is wrong with his body will disappear tomorrow.

He is foolish enough to believe this, unsuspecting of what is to happen.

_**Evening // Saturday - November 14** _

Fast forward five days later, the itch in his lungs turning from slight irritation to a full-on burning sensation. He has been under stress for quite a while, the feeling in his lungs not one bit helpful. Having the need to relax (and with Win interrupting him to go out and get some fresh air for once), he decides to have a night out with his closest friends. On the way to a nearby pizza place, he second-guesses himself.

_Too late. I’m already here… might as well make the best of it._

He stands in front of the doorway for a solid minute before entering.

~

Everyone is enjoying their time, the small get together of eight eating greasy pizza and drinking alcoholic beverages. They are laughing and chattering, currently in the middle of a heated discussion about pineapple pizza.

“Pineapple pizza is a grave sin. It makes the entire pizza taste like cardboard!” Manaow screeches, a look of disgust present on her face.

“Excuse me? I’ll have you know that pineapples on pizza are amazing and make it taste like heaven!” Team retorts and Korn agrees with him.

In gasps dramatically. “How dare you take his side, Phi! Pineapple on pizza shouldn’t even be a topping, let alone exist. Right, guys?” Del nods, while Pharm and Win shrug their shoulders. 

“Sorry nong, but I don’t mind if there are pineapples or no pineapples on my pizza. It’s food, and food is food.” The blonde states, his boyfriend smiling at his response.

In, exasperated, turns and pouts at Pharm. “I think pizza with and without pineapples are both delicious - I respect food.” 

Desperate, In looks to the man beside Pharm. “P'Dean? Please tell me you disagree.” Dean purses his lips, a thoughtful look flashing across his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever had pineapple pizza if I’m being honest.” 

Feeling betrayed, In glares at everyone except for Del and Manaow. Korn cannot help but burst into laughter, teasing the brunet on how dramatic he was being. 

“Stop lying, In. You pine for pineapple pizza all the time!” The awful pun emits a groan from everyone but Intouch, who can’t help but smile endearingly at his Phi.

~

It is late into the evening when they finish their food and drink, the clock pointing somewhere close to 9. Satisfied with their tummies full and bodies warm, the group decides to buy some ice cream at this late hour.

After tasting almost all of the flavors in the ice cream shop does the nongs finally make a choice. Team chooses cotton candy, Del chooses fudge, and both Manaow and Pharm choose chocolate. The others order vanilla bean (Intouch), strawberry (Win), and cookies and cream (Dean). Korn, however, passes on the creamy dessert. He’s not much of an ice cream person; plus, he’s been feeling sick. Ice cream wouldn’t do him any good.

“Phi?” The sweet voice knocks Korn out of his thoughts, his attention shifting to his nong. 

“Yes, N'In?” The shorter hesitates, slowing his pace to distance them from their group of friends. Korn stares intensely, patiently waiting for the younger to say what is on his mind. 

“Do you want to try some?” In offers, holding his cone of vanilla bean ice cream towards Korn’s mouth. Arching his brows, the chocolate haired boy frowns and declines the offer.

In tilts his head and halts, stopping the taller in the process. He shoves the cone closer to Korn’s mouth, a small pout forming on his pink lips. 

“Please? Try it for me?” 

Korn briefly closes his eyes, letting out a puff of air.

“Isn’t it cold? And besides, I don’t like sweet things.” He counters, his insides flipping as he watches In’s pout transform into a devious grin.

“Wha- mmf!

The older is abruptly cut off when the icy feeling of ice cream is pressed against his nose and mouth, quickly disappearing as fast as it appeared. In shock from the sudden cold, Korn takes a moment to process what has occurred.

“IN, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE.” A yell from Korn and a cackling In echoes past the others, followed by heavy, rapid footsteps on the concrete floor.

~

Like a wick on fire, Korn’s lungs were burning when he caught Intouch. He knew the younger let him win, but the irritation is now almost unbearable. He feels as if someone is choking him, crushing his lungs and depriving him of oxygen. Not wanting to worry the others, Korn hurridly excuses himself, suddenly remembering that he has more school work to complete. It’s not entirely a lie, more like half the truth.

Relief surges through his body as Korn realizes his apartment is nearby, shaky breaths of carbon dioxide leaving his mouth as he walks towards the familiar cluster of buildings. Before entering, he checks his phone, the time flashing half-past nine. He scans his card and passes through the now-activated door, cool-conditioned air immediately seeping through his clothes and into his body. He lets out a sigh, the irritation in his lungs gradually fading away.

_It must have been from running._

~

10 minutes fly by when he finally coughs, a single, petite petal falling past his elbow and onto the floor. Crouching down, he slowly inspects it, newfound fear rushing through his veins.

“Shit,” Is all he whispers before tossing the petal in the trash.

_**Morning // Monday - November 16** _

Korn knows that he has hanahaki; it’s so common nowadays that the surgery is fast and painless.

This is why Korn keeps his mouth shut. Surgery, although safe and affordable, removes one specific emotion for the affected person.

Love.

Korn never expected his attraction-at-first-sight to turn into something so… tremendous. His feelings for Intouch are overwhelming, often leaving him breathless. Literally. Even if he may not show it, it does appear suddenly when he’s absent-minded.

Sighing, the chocolate haired boy takes his time walking to his 8 AM lecture. He dreads attending today because who in their right mind likes early-morning classes? Besides, the boy has been distracted ever since he found out he’s lovesick. It doesn’t help when he can’t stop thinking about a certain boy with shining mocha orbs and an innocent bunny smile.

“What’s wrong?” A voice startles Korn out of his thoughts, making the poor boy almost break his neck from sharply swiveling it towards the source.

_Speaking of the devil._

“Oh, hi, N'In.” They both wai. “Nothing is wrong. Why do you ask?”

The younger frowns at the taller, seeing right through his lie. “

Phi…” In nudges the other with his elbow, carefully watching as Korn’s smile tightens.

“Nothing’s wrong, okay? I’m fine, In. Thank you for your concern.” Korn affirms, the shorter huffing.

“If you say so. But,” Intouch pauses, jumping in front of Korn to stop his walking pace. “Don’t go brooding alone, okay? You have me, Phi.”

Korn’s forced smile transforms into a sad one, his eyes downcast.

“Thank you.”

_But do I really have you?_

_**Late Afternoon // Sunday - November 22** _

Nearly a week has passed since Korn’s last encounter with In. It’s not like he is avoiding the younger - which, who is he kidding, is a lie - rather, they both have been busy. Like _really_ busy. Korn is currently drowning in his books, studying for his upcoming finals, and grading papers as the Teacher’s Assistant. He barely sleeps, his body running on caffeine and brain stressing over every small detail. Coughing out forget-me-nots every once in a while added to his growing stack of problems.

For Intouch, his life isn’t as chaotic as Korn’s. Still, as a second-year student, he’s participating in the upcoming Arts Showcase for the Fine Arts students. As one of the top students in his class, In is pressured as ever preparing for the event.

So when they end up meeting one night coincidentally, the tension between them is thicker than Korn’s eyebrows.

“Okay! Don, please do this for- umph!” 

Two bodies collide on a busy sidewalk. One falls to the ground alongside their phone while the other soaks himself in bitter coffee. Both have no patience, their tasks at hand interrupted by a minor incident.

“Fucking shit! Watch where you’re going, asshole.” The short but feisty boy yells, picking up his mobile and now ruined art supplies. 

The taller, broader chested boy snaps back, his voice low and words slurred. He’s too exhausted to realize who he’s bumped into, let alone notice the searing hot coffee burning his skin.

The slurred voice, although low and hard to understand, catches Intouch’s attention. He whips his head up - giving himself a brief head rush - and furrows his brows to see the one and only Korn Ariyasakul.

“Shit, Phi! Are you okay?” 

Korn blinks his bleary eyes to focus on the now standing figure before him, identifying him to be In. Immediately, he sobers up.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Korn glances at the younger’s ruffled state, his hands clutching a soaked sketchbook and a bag of broken charcoals. 

_Shit. They look brand new, too._

“Are you alright? I can buy you something to eat and some new art supplies. Sorry about that.” Korn apologizes, his tone filled with slight hope and a little bit of guilt. 

The younger bites his lip, contemplating the offer. He has lots of work to do, but he does need a break. Plus, after spending his cash on high quality charcoals, he isn’t sure he has enough money leftover to eat dinner.

“I’d like that.” 

The shorter’s bunny smile pierces through Korn’s chest, the heavy feeling of petals messing up his breathing pattern. He smiles softly towards the latter to disguise his discomfort.

“Let’s go.” 

~

After purchasing more art supplies for In (and some extra, unnecessary supplies because Korn is whipped), the two boys head for Korn’s apartment. Along the way, they purchase several meat skewers and fried rice for dinner.

“I haven’t been over for quite a while, you know.” In begins, removing his shoes to enter the cozy space. Korn hums in agreement, disappearing to his room to change his coffee-stained sweater. He reemerges with a fitted black shirt, discarding his ruined garment in the garbage. 

“Aren't you going to keep that?” In points to the trash where the coffee-smelling sweater now resides. Korn shakes his head. “It’s quite an old sweater and the coffee would have been a pain to remove. I have several white sweaters so I’m not bothered.”

He then walks to the small kitchen area, the waft of grilled meat filling his senses. Shifting his attention from the food to the younger, he gestures his head towards the direction of the dining table. 

“Go ahead and sit at the table. I’ll bring the food over.” 

Korn unbags the delicious smelling food, fetching a few napkins and plastic utensils on the way over. He places it in front of In before retreating back to the kitchen, opening the mini-fridge to take two water bottles. He opens one for In and places it by his food, sitting across from him.

“Thank you, Phi.” In smiles, which causes Korn to cough, the squeezing feeling in his lungs making itself known.

“Are you okay, Phi?” The younger frowns as Korn hurriedly nods, watching as he grabs his water and takes several gulps. 

“Sorry. I’ve been feeling sick lately…” He trails off, shrugging his shoulders at what else to say. In’s frown grows deeper, noticing how exhausted the older looks. The younger then stands up, chair scratching against the floor as he pushes it back. 

In leans forward, placing a hand on Korn’s cheek. “You should sleep more, Phi. You look so exhausted.” He runs his thumb under the boy’s lashes, his finger tracing the visibly dark circles. 

Korn sighs, resisting the urge to nuzzle into the warm, tiny palm. Instead, he grabs the younger’s wrist and removes his hand from his face. He clears his throat, gesturing towards the food.

“I’m okay.” He places a meat skewer on the other’s rice. “Come on, let’s eat now.” 

In jerkily nods, buttocks almost missing the chair seat as he sits back down. Dismissing the awkward air surrounding them, he quickly changes the subject.

“What’s kept you busy these days?” In takes a bite of his meat skewer, dividing his attention between eating and listening to his Phi. 

Korn sighs again, bringing his hands up and dragging them across his face.

“Everything. I’ve been so stressed and sleep-deprived, I’m surprised I haven’t passed out. I spilled my fourth cup of coffee on myself today.”

Both of In’s brows rise to the ceiling, disbelief and concern etched on his features.

“That was your fourth cup of coffee? Phi, that’s not healthy!” In lightly scolds, eyes boring into the chocolate haired boy. He proceeds to scoop some of his rice onto the latter’s, adding another juicy meat skewer.

“Here. After this meal, you’re going to shower and sleep, okay, Phi?”

Korn can’t help but stay silent, giving the younger a slight nod. He knows his nong wants him to take better care of himself.

_Shit. I’m so in love with him._

“Okay.”

_**Evening** _

The sun hides behind the horizon, casting the sky in a plethora of shades. Korn finds bold oranges and soft pinkish, purplish hues peeking through the fluffy clouds, his window reflecting the interweaving colors. His eyes then flit from the rectangular glass to his bedside clock, the small device blaring an angry, pixelated 5:37 PM. 

Turning to his side, Korn watches the brunet sketch in his new A4, the boy sitting contently in a criss-cross position against his bed frame. He stares at the younger for longer than how a friend should before clearing his throat. In’s hand stops, his attention now on the taller. 

“Are you heading back to the dorms?”

The other raises a brow.

“That depends. Are you going to sleep tonight?”

Korn opens his mouth, hesitates, and shuts it. His eyes travel to the small stack of papers on his desk, desperately in need of grading and red ink. 

“That’s what I thought.”

In closes his sketchbook and places it on the nightstand beside him.

“I’m staying the night so you can rest your stubborn head for once.”

He stands up and walks over to the small closet near the right side of the bed. 

“Phi, go wash that putrid smell of coffee off your body please.” In politely asks as he sorts through the neatly folded clothes.

Once he's found what he's looking for, he tosses a white tank top, black boxers, and black sweats to Korn. He then grabs the white towel off his desk chair, handing it to the older as he passes by. 

“At this point, I’m not sure who owns this place - you or me?” Korn jokes on his way to the bathroom.

The younger laughs and yells for the other to hear him.

“As if you mind!” 

Korn shakes his head, his irises twinkling with mirth.

 _I really don’t_.

~

In emerges from the bathroom with flushed cheeks and dripping wet hair. It catches the other's attention, his breath hitching in his throat as he stares at the younger one wearing his red hoodie and black basketball shorts. Swallowing the younger’s frame, the fit-sized clothing on Korn now appears humongous on In. 

Needing to distract himself, Korn stares at the other’s soaked dark locks. 

“Look at the mess you’re making.”

He clicks his tongue and approaches In, grabbing the towel laying on his neck. He begins to gently dry In’s hair, towel patting it to prevent the water from drenching his clothes and floor. 

“There, it’s fairly dry now.”

Korn steps back and sees the younger roll his eyes.

“I could've done that myself, Phi.”

Korn huffs. “And have you soak your clothes and wet my floor before you do? No thanks.” 

In shakes his head, the corner of his lips tilted upwards.

“You’re so dramatic, Phi. But thank you, I appreciate it.”

The lilt transforms into a bright bunny smile that quite literally knocks the air out of the older’s lungs. He coughs, feeling a few petals arise within his throat. 

Turning away from Intouch, Korn coughs the petals into his fist.

“Are you okay, Phi?” 

Korn hates how concerned he sounds but hates it even more when he has to lie. He faces the boy again and wears a hopefully convincing smile.

“Uh, yeah. Feeling a bit sick, remember?” 

Darting out the room before In could interrogate him, Korn rushes himself to the bathroom. He locks the door and slides down the cool surface, curling up into a fetal position. Opening his palm, he stares at the saliva-coated petals.

_How the hell am I going to get through tonight when anything he does suffocates me._

He leans his head against the door, closing his eyes as he wills his body to settle.

_It’ll be okay. Calm down, Korn, it’s only one night. Breathe._

Deeming himself ready to face the younger, Korn stands, throwing the petals in the toilet. He watches them as they swirl down the bowl, praying to any deity above to do the same with his feelings.

_**Following Morning** _

The sound of ruffling sheets catches In’s attention, indicating that the older is awake. Placing his pencil to the side of his sketchbook, he stretches his hands and swivels his chair, watching as Korn stands.

“Good morning, Phi. How did you sleep last night?” The chocolate haired boy groans, raising his arms above his head to stretch. He yawns loudly and walks to the bathroom while replying. 

“Better than I have over the last few days.”

In gives a little cheer at the response and stands from Korn’s desk. He then enters the kitchen area to fetch the omelets and rice on the counter. The younger had woken up earlier today to make Korn breakfast.

He brings the food to the table, setting up two plates with a spoon and fork each. This time, he makes another trip to the fridge, grabbing the soy milk. Before returning to the table, he grabs two glasses - one for himself and one for his Phi.

“What’s this?” Like yesterday, Korn seats himself opposite In as he looks at the covered plates in the center of the table. 

In flushes a baby pink, his mouth moving to the side as he nibbles on his bottom lip

“I attempted to make you some breakfast, especially since you’ve been so stressed. It may be a little burnt but I can go ahead and buy one down the street.” He blurts out, uncovering the monstrosity of an omelet. In is both shy and mortified, sitting on the edge of his seat as he awaits Korn’s reply.

“Thank you.” Korn gives a lopsided smile, his eyes flickering to the what-should-look-like-an-omelet, and cuts out a small piece to taste it. 

_It’s not that bad… but it’s not that great, either._

Korn winces. Intouch notices this and rises from his seat to grab his jacket. Reacting fast, the older catches the other’s wrist.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to go buy breakfast. What you made is enough.” 

Intouch turns around, a frown evident on his face.

“Don’t say that just to be nice, Phi. It tastes horrible - admit it.” 

Korn shakes his head.

“It’s not that bad, only a little burnt. Still, you made it for me and I appreciate that.” He sends an encouraging smile, hoping that the younger will not flee.

Instead, In sighs, his eyes searching for any hint of dishonesty. When he sees Korn’s wide, truthful eyes, he relaxes. 

“Alright.” The two sit down again, picking up their utensils to eat. 

“The rice should be fine thanks to your rice cooker.” Intouch tilts his head towards the said object.

Korn smirks. “So, you can only cook if you use a machine. Got it.” At the teasing remark, Intouch scoffs. 

“It’s better than nothing. Be glad I made you something.” He crosses his arms and pouts, looking away from the older. This makes Korn chuckle, an endearing smile replacing his teasing smirk.

“Thank you.”

Korn sincerely says, catching the younger off guard. His tone is the opposite of teasing, now colored with a tint of sincerity.

It makes In flush. “No problem, Phi.”

_**Early Afternoon // Saturday - November 28** _

The week passes quickly, Korn acing his exams with flying colors and finishing his TA work within the deadline. Because his last final was yesterday, he is now devoid of everything school-related. Feeling bored, he picks up his phone, startling him as it loudly dings. He scans his face ID and sees a message from In.

**Today 12:51 PM**

**In:**

Hiiiiiii Phi! 👋🏼

R u busy next Sat?

**Korn:**

Let me check.

He glances at the calendar over his desk. To his relief, December 5th has no stickies or writing.

**Korn:**

No. Why?

**In:**

School art showcase is next Saturday @ 7 n I want u 2 be there. I’m inviting our friend group but only the traffic light gang have confirmed 🤪

**Korn:**

I’ll go. Does it cost anything?

**In:**

Nope! It’s free :)

**Korn:**

Thanks. See you next week.

Take care.

**In:**

Stop being so dry, Phi 🙄

**Korn:**

Sorry

**In:**

Nevermind… 😐

Anyways, thank you for accepting! 🥺

You too! Stay safe, Phi ❤️🤗

Korn smiles, eyes crinkling as he stares at the message the younger sent.

_God, I’m so whipped._

Rolling his eyes at himself, he exits his messages and presses the power button. Tossing it in some random direction on his bed, Korn stands and goes to his bookshelf. 

Crouching, he eyes his collection of books of all genres and sizes, fingers skimming the individual spines. He stops at a dark green cover with the words _third edition - Modern Technical Writing_ , straining to remember when he purchased it.

_I must have bought this when I was a first-year. I still haven’t read this yet._

With his thumb and forefinger on the joints of the book, Korn gently pulls to retrieve the work. Turning it around in his hands, he inspects with his touch. He feels the surface of the cover, the texture akin to an eggshell registering against his palm. Raising it to his face, he blows the thin layer of dust away. Lowering it on his thighs, Korn finally opens the book. He deeply inhales, the smell of vanilla and wood invading his senses.

Inspecting the book once more, Korn stands and transfers his weight from the balls of his feet onto his cushioned desk chair. Getting comfortable, he opens the book to the table of contents.

The chocolate haired boy stays like this for the next hour, undisturbed and content in the comfort of his room. Soon, he grows tired of sitting in his desk chair, transferring himself from his seat to his bed. The warmth of his blankets, the softness of his pillows, and the complex words on yellow paper lull him to a state of unconsciousness, dreams overtaking his reality.

~

_Color bleeds where darkness once stood, a blur of hues slowly blending into a cloudy vision. Shifting, it now shows Intouch facing the other male. He's standing on a slight hill, surrounded by red carnations in the shape of a heart. When Korn glances upwards, the younger smiles softly, his eyes sparkling amidst a sky painted with pink and blue hues merging in the middle with soft oranges. The sun quietly shines behind him, but Intouch shines brighter and louder. The wind blows through his loose white shirt, the frays of his ripped light wash denim jeans swaying along. He looks ethereal, the rays of the sun bouncing off of him. The boy sticks out a hand towards Korn, bunny teeth poking out._

_"Stay."_

_The brunet's honey voice rings in his ears, the word reverberating past his brain and through his bones. It settles there, sending shivers down his spine. How can Korn refuse?_

_"I..." His words are lodged in his throat, his breath cutting short. He coughs, lungs burning up like a fire. Falling to the ground, he hacks and heaves and scratches at his neck, the feeling of flowers and leaves overwhelmingly painful. He can't breathe._

_Before he fades into the dark, all he sees is In standing above him. The brunet is shaking, tear streaks apparent on his face. He begs for Korn to stay, praying to anyone out there listening for help. Alas, it's too late. Korn reaches for the other, squeezing his hand that's drenched in coppery-smelling blood and slimy pink petals._

_"I’m sorry..."_

_And then he succumbs into the infinite darkness._

Korn awakes with a gasp, choking on air. He's hacking out his lungs, eyes watering and throat protesting. He attempts to stand, knees wobbly as he grasps onto the bed sheets. With all the energy he can muster, Korn pushes himself forward and makes a beeline for the bathroom. He doesn't make it, puking on the sink instead.

When his coughing fit dies down, the chocolate haired boy stares at the mess in his bathroom. On the sink sits a cluster of pink forget-me-nots, surrounded by more pink petals and green leaves. Although it's slick with his saliva, Korn can't help but admit how pretty the flowers are. He picks it up and places it to the side, pushing down the stop in the sink to trap the water in. Turning the faucet on cold, he fills up half of the basin and turns it off, letting the petals soak. He opens his cabinet and fetches a mason jar filled with his many, many petals of forget-me-nots. Grabbing the petals soaking in the sink and rinsing them off, he places them on a nearby towel. He pats them dry and transfers them inside the mason jar.

He repeats the process.

Korn rinses his first whole cluster of forget-me-nots separately, carefully, not wanting it to break in his large hands. Once they are dry and kept in the mason jars, he twists them tightly shut. 

He shoves them in the back of the cabinet, washing his hands to rid the evidence.

_**Morning // Sunday - November 29** _

“Ariyasakul?” A voice calls out, grabbing his attention. He stands from his seat and walks to the nurse, watching as she reads his information on a clipboard. 

"That would be me." 

The nurse looks up, nods, and tells him to follow her. They go down a hallway and turn right, entering a room on the left. She checks his vitals and leaves to fetch the doctor.

Dr. Thara enters a minute later, dismissing his assistant to go and help other patients. With the two of them alone, he sits down in front of his computer and smiles at Korn.

"How have you been feeling recently? Any pain?" The taller sighs, pursing his lips. He doesn't dare look at his doctor, not wanting his pity as he explains his condition.

"I have hanahaki."

A gasp escapes the doctor, eyes widening as the chocolate haired boy’s words sink in. 

"How... how long?" 

Korn hesitates, raising his eyes to look at his doctor. "Almost three weeks." 

Both stay silent, Korn allowing his doctor to absorb the shocking news.

"I... what is your decision?" Dr. Thara asks, guessing what the younger will say but allowing him to confirm his assumption.

"I know as a doctor, you're supposed to help people and all... but I choose to do nothing." Korn elaborates, observing Dr. Thara’s grave expression. It isn't of pity; rather, it is one of understanding and sorrow.

"It's too late for the pills, as you said that this has been occurring for a month. It would have been useful if you took medicine around the first stage of blooming to prevent the flowers from growing at a fast pace. Surgery would be the other option to _remove_ it unless you confess to your love. However, I cannot and will not force you to receive the surgery, but I do urge you to confess to your love. It doesn't matter how scary it can be - it’s better to take a shot than to take no chance at all." Korn shakes his head, headstrong in his decision. 

"...Alright, but I need you to sign a few papers. Here." Dr. Thara pulls out a folder from the desk in the corner, grabbing a sheet. 

"This paper is to obtain your permission and confirmation that if anything does happen to you, we will not perform surgery." Hesitating, Dr. Thara crinkles the paper in his grasp. 

"Although, I do want you to think about this. I'll give you a week to think it over, only to give you time to read this and ultimately decide. If your decision is still the same, come back here on Saturday with the document signed. If you don't show up, I'll call you to schedule an appointment." He extends his arm, Korn taking the paper. 

"Alright, I'll think it over. Thank you, P’maaw." The taller stands, but the shorter halts him before he can step forward.

"Hold on, where do you think you’re going? We still need to take an x-ray of your lungs. It's mandatory for any patient with hanahaki." 

A look of confusion washes over Korn’s face. 

"Oh, I never knew that. Alright, to the x-ray room we go." Dr. Thara lets out a little chuckle, leaving the room with the lovesick boy.

_**Afternoon** _

"It's worse than I thought. Are you sure you've had hanahaki for only three weeks?"

Korn furrows his eyebrows, carefully thinking back to when his symptoms began. 

"I think the symptoms first started early November, but I know for sure the day I coughed my first petal was the fourteenth. I went out with my friends that night." 

Dr. Thara hums, inspecting the x-ray. "You must adore this person immensely. I can't exactly tell how long you have, as it depends on how strong your feelings are and how much time you spend with your love, but seeing this…" He trails off, looking gravely at Korn. The boy couldn't help but gulp, hands becoming clammy. 

"At most, you have one month." 

_At most, you have one month… you have one month… at most… one month… month…_

Dr. Thara’s words ring in his head, his stomach plummeting to the ground. He can feel his heart pounding heavily in his chest, the blood rushing in his ears. Korn figured he would die, but he never expected it to be so soon.

"I- what? That- that soon?" Korn croaks out, looking at Dr. Thara for confirmation. 

"Yes, I believe so. For your case, it seems to be growing quickly; at least, quicker than most patients with hanahaki." The younger trembles from head to toe, slight panic evident on his features. 

"But it's not even that bad yet! I've only puked one whole cluster and there isn't any blood!" Dr. Thara shakes his head.

"Yet. But one whole cluster? That means it's getting worse. From how it sounds and the way it looks, you're transitioning from stage one to stage two. Stage two comes with more developed flowers that are harder to keep at bay. You also get weaker and further short of breath the longer this prolongs. It may not have been affecting you that intensely, but it will soon." 

Korn closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"And one more thing. The disease tends to start slow, and then increases growth speed when transitioning from the second to the third stage."

Korn cups his face in his hands, dragging them down. "I know, I researched a bit about it myself. Compared to other people, I'm actually not that bad off-"

"Don't you dare say that, because I've had patients say the same thing and pass away within the next few days. You say you've done your research, but it will NEVER compare to seeing it in reality. It's appalling and I would never wish anyone to go through it. Even though I cannot change your mind, please, for the love of God, think about it." 

Korn shuts his mouth, shocked at Dr. Thara’s fierce tone and guarded expression. He sighs, grabbing both the paper and x-ray pictures from him.

"Alright. But I can't promise anything." And with that, Korn leaves the room, grabbing his possessions on the way out.

_**Morning // Saturday - December 5** _

Korn wakes up to his phone ringing repeatedly on his nightstand. He groggily reaches for the device, dragging the green icon across the screen.

"Phi?"

"What the hell do you want." He grumpily groans out, his voice low and scratchy after waking up.

"Oh! Sorry Phi, I thought you would be awake by now. I'm just calling you to let you know that my art showcase was moved to next week." The older furrows his brows.

"Seriously? Couldn't you just text me, In? You woke me up at-" Korn takes the phone away from his ear, glancing at the time. "-7 in the morning just to tell me that? Oh my God, I hate you." There's no real bite in his tone, only pure annoyance. 

"Awww, but Phi! I thought you loved me!" Intouch speaks in a cute tone, voice suggesting that the younger is pouting.

"Shut the fuck up, In, I can hear your pout through the phone. I don't need this in the morning and I'm already sleep-deprived as is." Korn growls, although his cheeks blush a faint pink at the younger's adorable tactics.

"Ouch, Phi, who stuck a stick up your ass this morning?"

Korn snorts, rubbing his droopy eyes. "You did. Now please leave me alone. I want to sleep, unlike some people." In rolls his eyes, knowing that the other can't see him.

"Okay, but there's one more thing. Since the showcase was moved and finals week is over, the friend group plus Don and Pruk wanted to stop by yours tonight to have a small get together. Is that okay?"

Korn sighs. "All ten of us in one room?” He sits up and looks around his apartment, envisioning how packed it will be. 

He sighs. “Fine. Bring some snacks and movies for payment."

"You’re so stingy, Phi.” Korn sighs again. 

Intouch chuckles, rolling his eyes. “I’m kidding.”

The chocolate haired boy huffs. “Sure you were.”

Laughing before proceeding to speak once more, In’s voice now carries a hint of gratitude.

“Thank you! I'll go inform the others. See you tonight!"

The other grunts. 

"Mhm." 

Korn ends the call, groaning in exasperation as he knows he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. He plops on his back, blowing out a raspberry. Suddenly, he pops back up, untangling his legs from the warm sheets.

_That’s right, I have to return the signed papers to Dr. Thara._

~

“Ariyasakul?”

Dr. Thara calls, a small smile present on his features. They walk down a hall, make one left, and one right before entering a private room. Once the door closes, Korn settles on one of the patient chairs as the doctor waits for his attention.

Dr. Thara calls, a small smile present on his features. They walk down a hall, make one left, and one right before entering a private room. Once the door closes, Korn settles on one of the patient chairs as the doctor waits for his attention.

"Have you decided to get surgery? It's not too late, you know." Thara starts but stops when Korn lifts his arm.

"I'm sorry, P’maaw, but here." He hands over the signed papers.

"...I see.” The older clips the small packet on his personal clipboard, quickly focusing on his patient again. 

“How have you been feeling lately?" 

Korn shrugs. “Nothing much has happened - it’s the same as usual. I only cough up a few petals. At random intervals, I’ll hack out a cluster or two.”

Dr. Thara frowns at how calm Korn is acting; it’s as if the chocolate haired boy isn’t taking his sickness seriously.

“Have you opened up about anything to anyone? Your family? Your friends?” Even though Thara doesn’t say it out loud Korn understands the implied _to your love_. He shakes his head.

"You only have a few weeks, N’Korn. I know it's not my place to tell you to confess, but I can't sit around." Thara takes a big breath before fixing a strong stare onto the taller. 

"I've known you for four years, meeting you for the first time when you were new to this town. You looked so alive and happy. Now... now the gleam in your eyes is dying out. Even though you're only my patient, you have been such a joy to talk to whenever you visited. Heck, you're probably one of my best patients. But please, for the love of God, confess to whoever is the cause of your hanahaki! Even if they don't reciprocate your feelings, I want you to have no regrets, okay? I don't want you to be like me." Thara whispers the last sentence, streaks of tears gleaming on his cheeks. He sniffles a bit, snatching a tissue from the desk in front of him.

"Ah, sorry. I just... Back when I was a rookie doctor, I met a guy who turned my world upside down. He made me feel things I never felt before with previous crushes and partners, which soon turned into full-blown love. I had gotten hanahaki half a year after I became a doctor - ironic, right? Well, I took medicine and monitored my symptoms, but I knew it would one day kill me. I was so set on not telling the guy that I didn't realize he hadn't visited me in awhile. I gave him a call and he had told me that he was too busy to get a check-up. I thought nothing of it, weeks passing by. He finally visited me two months later, looking rather pale and sick. It was then that he finally told me why he hadn't seen me in a while. He had hanahaki himself." Dr. Thara grabs his water jug from his lab coat pocket and drinks before continuing.

"And guess who he loved? Me! He had reciprocated my feelings all along! But of course, it was too good to be true. After confessing, he had fallen into my arms, coughing out bloody daisies and green leaves. I had called out for help while trying to keep him alive, feeling my lungs lighten tremendously. They took him to the emergency room, but... I was one second too late. I couldn't do anything but watch as they covered his body, taking it away." Thara stops crying and forces himself to keep it together.

"I regret never calling him sooner, never asking him if he wanted to be more than a brother. I regret not doing _anything_ until it was too late." Dr. Thara distressingly speaks, eyes now staring straight into Korn’s brown orbs. "Now please, _please_ confess to them, whoever they are. Even if they reject you, at least you took a chance at happiness." Korn wipes the corner of his eyes with the back of his hands. He had no idea Thara had gone through so much. He always looks so happy whenever he visits, so Korn thought nothing of it.

Korn stays silent for some time before speaking up. "I'm sorry for your loss, P’maaw." 

The older shakily exhales, waving his hand in dismissal. "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault. But thank you." Korn nods, lips pursed as he stares at the other. 

"Seriously, N’Korn. Can you at least promise me you'll confess?" Dr. Thara asks, holding his pinky up in the air. Korn bites his lip but agrees. 

"I promise, P’maaw." 

Korn intertwines their pinkies, touching thumbs and shaking their joint hands. 

"I promise I'll confess. I promise." Satisfied, Thara releases his pinky.

"That's good to hear. Now, what are you sitting around here for? Go and confess, Mr. lovesick boy!" Dr. Thara lightly shoves Korn, a small smile gracing his features. 

Korn laughs at his reaction, quickly grabbing his belongings. Before he exits the room, he turns around and faces the older from the doorway.

"By the way, he’s a guy, too.”

_**Late Morning** _

By the time Korn returns to his apartment, the clock points somewhere close to half eleven. After leaving the hospital, the chocolate haired boy drove to the store to prepare for tonight.

Removing his shoes, Korn heads to his bed and places the bags filled with extra blankets and pillows on top. Walking to the opposite side where his dining table lies, he places his bags filled with chemical cleaners on the surface.

With no more bags weighing down his arms, Korn places his hands on his hips and surveys the room. He bites his lip.

_Even though it’s tidy, it’s a bit dusty in here._

Korn heads for his closet, grabbing his broom and small duster from the corner.

_I guess I can clean._

_**Evening** _

A loud knock on the door startles Korn out of focus, his attention now on the person behind the door. Placing his book to the side he walks towards the source of the sound, looking through the peephole to see who it is. Taking a deep breath, the chocolate haired boy calms himself and opens the door.

"Hi, Phi!" Intouch cheerfully wais, walking in and setting down his bags on the counter. 

"We were all planning to come around six-thirty or seven, but I couldn't help and come earlier. I have nothing better to do, so I might as well spend my spare time here." Korn hums, nodding his head at what the younger said. 

"How's everything going? Are you okay?" The older asks, the shorter busying himself with unbagging the snacks.

"Hmm? Yeah, everything is going smoothly. I miraculously met the requirements for next week’s showcase. I pulled at least two all-nighters though, which completely threw off my sleeping schedule. It's not like I really had one anyway, so it's okay. How about you, Phi?"

"Everything has been less hectic and more tranquil. I've had more time to sleep in, which is honestly a blessing from above. Luckily for me, my sleep schedule isn't fucked up, at least not like yours." The brunet scoffs, finishing his task and giving his complete attention to Korn. 

"Whatever, at least I'm not a dork who tries hard at every academic thing, _Mr. Teacher's assistant._ " Korn rolls his eyes, exasperated. 

"At least I got a 98, not a 72 on my English exams." The younger immediately scowls, grabbing the nearest thing - a bag of lays - and chucks it at the older

Korn ducks, narrowly avoiding the object flung at him - it lands on the floor nearby. 

"Hey, this is my apartment, remember? I can always kick you out for being such an insolent kid." He scolds with no real bite, watching as the younger laughs and rolls his eyes. 

"Relax, Phi, it was only a bag of chips. I wasn't planning on throwing one of my sodas, they can explode. And please, insolent? That's N’Team, not me." The older boy shakes his head, retrieving the chips and handing them back to In. 

"Try not to break anything or else I'll kick your non-existent ass out of here." Intouch dramatically gasps, putting a hand over his chest for more effect with the bag of lays in his other hand.

"First of all, you're the one that breaks things, not me. Second of all, how _dare_ you ever insult my babies! I'll have you know that my butt is very much existent _and_ thick with three C's! See?" In turns to his side and bends over, moving a hand to his lower back. He rests it there for two seconds before moving his hand down to his ass, jokingly smacking it as he stands back up. Korn gulps, hands becoming clammy as he stares at the younger's ass. 

"-kidding, Phi. Phi? Phi! My eyes are up here, not down there." The older blinks like a dear caught in headlights, shifting his eyes back to the younger's orbs. He sees the younger's cheeks flush a light pink, his bunny teeth nipping at his bottom lip. 

"Sorry, In. What were you saying?" The brunet sighs, a small smirk residing on his face. "I said that I was kidding, but clearly you were distracted with my wonderful ass." Korn turns red, sputtering out incoherent phrases.

"No! I wasn’t- I swear..." The taller shuts up, feeling embarrassed and unable to speak.

"Mhmm, exactly. Take a photo, Phi, it'll last longer." The shorter bursts out into pangs of laughter, watching Korn slowly meltdown from embarrassment.

Intouch walks over and pats his Phi’s shoulder as an apology. "Sorry, Phi. It's fun teasing you." He sticks his tongue out while smiling that bright, bunny smile of his.

Korn huffs, quickly rubbing Intouch’s coconut head in response. He proceeds to walk past the younger, heading in the direction of the bathroom.

"I'm going to take a shower, but go ahead and finish setting up the snacks. You can even inflate the air mattress I bought earlier." The taller points to the box on his desk, Intouch nodding in response.

“Wait!” Korn freezes, slowly turning around in his spot. “Yes?” He questions, head tilted towards the younger.

“Can I play music?” In asks, hand trailing to the phone in his pocket. 

Korn nods. “Of course. Not too loud though, as the lady living upstairs sleeps early.”

“Okay. Now go and shower! I can smell you from over here.” In playfully pinches his nose, shooing Korn towards the bathroom. He laughs at the younger’s antics and does as told, proceeding to close the door and click the lock in place.

The sound of the shower running and music playing overpowers the noises of Korn, slowly dying as he endlessly retches up pink petals.

~

An hour later, the traffic light gang arrive at Korn’s. Entering the now decorated apartment (In and Korn added some fairy lights and balloons while waiting), the three remove their shoes and greet the two in the hallway. 

Not long after, Dean, Don, and Del show up, Pharm physically lighting up as he sees his boyfriend. 

“P’Dean!” Dean gives the smaller a loving embrace, sniffing the top of his head.

Korn tries not to frown at how sweet and open the two are being.

_Stop complaining and confess already, Korn._

Korn ignores the voice in his head that suspiciously sounds like his doctor and goes to greet the others. By this time, Win and Pruk have arrived, their significant others both greeting them with a forehead kiss and a cheek peck, respectively.

_**Night // Friday - December 11** _

"Did you confess?" Dr. Thara asks, a flicker of hope present in his eyes. It speaks volumes to Korn, who lowers his head, giving Thara the answer indirectly.

“Oh…” Korn lifts his head back to the older. He sees something akin to frustration flicker on Thara’s face before a neutral expression takes over.

“Alright.” Thara masks the hurt in his voice, pointing towards the blue examination table in the corner. “Go and sit on the bed. I need to listen to your lungs.” Korn lifts his shirt as the doctor places the diaphragm on his chest.

“Breathe in.” He takes a shaky inhale.

“Breathe out.” He exhales harshly, the carbon dioxide finding difficulty leaving his lungs.

The process repeats a few times until the raven-haired boy nods.

“Your lungs sound even worse, N’Korn.” The shorter removes the stethoscope from his ears, draping the tool around his neck.

Korn pulls his shirt back down. “Is it really that bad?” 

Dr. Thara stares at the younger as if he’s lost his brain. “Are you seriously asking me that? You, a person with hanahaki, asking if it’s bad?” He rubs the area in between his eyebrows, attempting to soothe his oncoming headache.

Korn lets out a puff of air. “I mean, does it sound bad for a person with hanahaki?” 

The doctor sighs, a grim expression on his face. “It’s gotten worse from the last time I saw you.” 

After writing down a few notes on his clipboard, the doctor sits down at his desk. He clicks his pen a few times before turning his attention to the chocolate haired boy.

“How often do you vomit? Is it disturbing your everyday activities?” 

Korn hums, thinking. “Well, I always manage to throw up some sort of Forget-Me-Nots whenever I’m around the person and I see him once or twice a week.”

“So, you only vomit when he’s around?” Korn shakes his head.

“No, I vomit at random times, but it’s gotten more frequent now - almost every day. I spend about 5 minutes at the toilet hurling my guts out.”

Dr. Thara frowns. “You know, you can still receive sur-” The younger cuts him off.

“P’Thara, you know my decision - I decline any sort of hanahaki treatment and that’s final.” 

The raven-haired boy frowns, crossing his covered arms. 

“Fine.” He pauses. “But, you promised me that you would confess to him. I’m still holding you up to that.” Thara stares intensely at Korn, waiting for the other to respond.

Korn returns the stare. “I will, Phi, I will.”

He bites his lip.

_Eventually._

_**Night // Saturday - December 12** _

Today is Intouch’s art showcase at their University, the one he agreed to attend.

Now, Korn is not so sure. He arrived with Win but the blonde scattered off to find his boyfriend.

Thankfully, he hears a familiar voice.

"Phi!" 

Korn turns around to see Intouch waving his hand from afar. He waves back, proceeding to walk towards the boy. 

"Hey, N’In, you hanging in there?" The taller questions, chuckling as the brunet groans. 

"Gosh, Phi, I'm dying here. Not only is my art teacher boasting and bragging about me, but she's also forcing everyone to go to my booth! She sent, like, fifty people here at once. I haven't eaten since lunch and now I'm dealing with huge ass crowds on an empty stomach." The younger pouts, puppy eyes boring into Korn’s soul.

"...You want food, don't you." The brunet immediately brightens up, vigorously nodding his head. 

"Yes, please. Pretty, pretty plleeaaasssssseee, Phi. If you buy me food and an iced coffee, I'll give you ฿5,000." 

The chocolate haired boy raises an eyebrow. "...With what money?" 

The younger scratches his head, frowning. "I'll... do your laundry for a week!" 

This catches Korn off guard. He does not know what to be worried about: the fact that In is offering to do his laundry or the fact that he can’t handle being alone with the other for too long. 

_Screw it. You might as well spend every last moment with him before you fuck it all up._

"Deal." The older one sticks out a hand, the brunet shaking it. It's a small compromise, but one that weighs heavily on Korn’s heart.

~

“N’In!” Korn calls, carrying two bags of food in his hands. 

The younger, who was presenting his artwork to another teacher, finishes quickly and excuses himself to walk over to his Phi.

In’s eyes widen when he sees the food, nose inhaling a whiff of spice and coffee.

“Is that what I think it is?” The brunet stares at the styrofoam cup Korn pulls out alongside a plastic spoon.

Korn hands it to the younger, holding onto his iced coffee so that In can eat his food.

In lifts the lid. “Phi…” He trails off, eyes tearing up as he tastes a spoonful of sour curry.

“You didn’t have to bring me my favorite food.” He dabs at the corner of his eyes and then continues to inhale spoonfuls of curry. 

Korn watches the other carefully, lips upturned in a small smile. “It’s okay. You’ve worked so hard today - you deserve to be spoiled.” 

In scoops the last of his meal in his mouth, eyes crinkling as he gives Korn a look of adoration.

“Still, you didn’t have to go to my favorite shop…” The taller silently hands over In’s iced coffee, shushing him. 

“You deserve it. It wasn’t that far from here and I know you’ve been feeling homesick recently. So, to reward you for your hard work, I got the second closest thing to your sister’s cooking.” Korn simply explains, the brunet becoming uncharacteristically bashful.

“Phi…” He sniffles, bringing a palm up to wipe at his waterline. 

“Thank you, P’Korn.” He pauses, small tears falling as he wears a shaky smile. 

“Thank you for caring for me and for everything you have done.” 

Korn pulls the shorter one into an embrace, letting him cry on his shoulder.

_Thank you for letting me experience love._

He holds on tighter.

_**Afternoon // Thursday - December 17** _

It has been five days since their compromise and Intouch has almost forgotten his end of the deal. At least, he pretended to forget until Korn grabbed the boy by his shirt and dragged him off campus to his apartment.

 _Classic mischievous nong_.

Right now, Korn and In are in the building’s laundry room. Korn is carefully watching the younger as he shoves dark-colored clothing into the washer, emptying the hamper filled with dirty laundry.

Once In finishes loading the washer and turns on the machine, he grabs a basket from the side to fill up with freshly dried clothes.

“Are you just going to sit there and watch as I do the laundry?” The brunet asks, turning around to raise a brow at the older.

“That depends - are you going to do my laundry or are you going to run away again?” Korn counters, tilting his head. 

In huffs, turning back around to hastily shove the rest of the clean clothes in the basket. 

“Look, that was coincidental. I forgot about our deal!” In tries to defend himself, his voice pitching higher.

“Sure. And I forgot my name is Korn. You’re not fooling anyone, N’In.” Sarcasm bleeds through Korn’s voice, causing the younger to roll his eyes.

“Fine. But I did promise you! I’ll do your laundry properly, too! Expect a basket in front of your door at 9 AM every morning.” Intouch points a finger at his Phi, eyes blazing as if he were challenging the older through his gaze.

Korn gives a little smirk, head nodding towards the younger. “I look forward to it, then.”

_**Evening // Tuesday - December 22** _

Korn lifts his head from the toilet bowl, chest heaving up and down. 

_This is the third time today. Maybe I should confess soon…_

He hurls more clusters in the toilet, water turning crimson red.

_You coward. You’ve pushed it aside for too long._

Korn pounds at his chest, dry heaving as he does so.

 _Whatever, I’ll do it tomorrow._

He vomits one more time to relieve himself of the pressure in his chest.

He sits in the comfort of his bathroom for a half-hour, debating whether or not to go out. In the end, he washes up and changes his mess of clothes. Sporting black jeans and a cotton blue shirt, he deems himself presentable to leave his apartment. He grabs his phone and wallet on the way out, his mind bent on consuming alcohol for the night.

~

Stumbling out of the bar, Korn starts to walk the short way to his place. He wasn’t wasted, but he wasn’t exactly sober, either.

Still, It wasn’t enough to forget. Enough to forget about hanahaki, forget about In, forget about his inevitable doom.

_I’m hopeless._

He uselessly thinks, feet on autopilot. 

_Don’t even have the balls to confess. What a loser._

He lets out a laugh, causing the people passing by to look at him weirdly. Strangely, he doesn’t care.

Suddenly, the familiar feeling of flowers tickle his throat, the tingling sensation growing more and more. Panicking, Korn makes a run for his apartment, small petals leaving his mouth as he crosses the last road to his building.

_Fuck, you stupid idiot._

He chides himself, feet hitting concrete as he climbs the steps to the fifth floor. As he moves, he creates a trail of pink forget-me-nots, the pretty petals fluttering from his mouth to the floor. Just as he reaches the top of the fifth floor, his mouth splits open to force clusters upon clusters of forget-me-nots past his bloody lips.

_Not here._

He somewhat successfully manages to stop, a few gags appearing here and there.

_Shit, I’m about to blackout._

Less focused on the mess by the door and more on the oncoming dizziness, Korn pushes himself off his shaky legs. He opens the door to exit the stairs and stumbles onto the fifth floor, tunnel vision on his room number 59.

 _Almost, almost, come on!_

With one last burst of energy, Korn leaps forward, clutching onto his doorknob. Before he can even attempt to unlock it, his body goes numb, vision blacking out.

_**Morning // Wednesday - December 23** _

Korn awakes with a gasp, his throat parched and lips chapped. He forces himself to breathe, eyes half-open as he takes in his surroundings. He notices that he's lying on his soft, full-size mattress, staring up at the dull white ceiling in his room.

_How did I end up here?_

He thinks, mind foggy and unhelpful. Korn shuts his eyes again, attempting to sort his muffled thoughts.

And then it hits him.

_Shit, who helped me back inside? I passed out, crap._

The chocolate haired boy starts having an internal crisis, hands trembling as he forces the sheets off his sluggish body. He's currently praying for no creepy dude or random person wanting money to be inside his apartment

Breaking the silence, he attempts to say hello before clearing his sandpaper throat. "H-hello?" He stutters out, feet blindly groping the floor. It is then that he realizes he indeed is not alone, a solid, warm body coming into contact with his left foot. He glances down at his feet.

_Wait, is that...?_

"Nong?" Korn calls out, seeing a lump on the floor. He nudges the said lump with his foot again, the person turning around to lay on his back.

_That’s right, In still comes here at 9 AM…_

The older boy begins to cough, the familiar feeling of petals and stems rising up his throat. Quickly but carefully stepping over the sleeping boy, Korn rushes to the bathroom as he once again relieves himself of clusters of pink flowers and blood. Almost ten minutes pass when he feels his lungs somewhat settle, his body still shaking up like an earthquake. 

Closing the lid and flushing, Korn washes the blood, spit, and petals from his mouth.

_Disgusting._

He watches the two liquids and one solid mix, washing down the sink in an almost sad way.

Once the evidence of his hanahaki is gone, he towel pats his mouth dry and heads for the kitchen. Fetching a bottle of water he almost downs it in one go, sighing in relief. Tossing the plastic bottle in the recycle, he returns to the younger, the boy's eyes closed and face relaxed.

_He looks so peaceful, like nothing in the world could worry or hurt him._

Korn’s soft smile turns into a slight frown, knowing that this might be his last time seeing Intouch like this - soft, asleep, and calm. He then remembers his promise with Dr. Thara, a whirlwind of emotions now covering his features. 

Shaking his thoughts away, Korn gently crouches by the younger. He stares fondly, brushing the brunet's bangs away from his face.

_His hair is getting longer again... he should cut it soon._

Korn silently laughs as he imagines Intouch acting stubborn to cut it, only letting his favorite barber do anything to it. He shakes his head once again, smiling as he softly scratches the brunet's scalp. The boy shifts in his sleep at this, letting out a content sigh. The older pauses his movements, mesmerized by how beautiful the smaller is. That is until he opens his eyes.

"...Mmmm, why'd you stop, Phi?" He groans, his voice low and rough from being asleep. Korn jumps at the noise, retracting his hand to his side. 

"Jesus, you scared the crap out of me." The chocolate haired boy has his other hand against his chest, heart beating erratically. 

"Not my fault you were distracted." In mumbles, sitting up against the side of the bed. He turns to Korn, tilting his head. 

"Did you go out drinking last night? You were dead weight in my arms." The younger squints at the other.

"I went to a place down the road and grabbed a drink, but I was really tired so I left early. I remember stumbling home and ending up in front of my door. Thanks for getting me inside." Korn lies through his teeth, biting his lip anxiously. He hates lying, especially to the ones he loves, but he doesn’t want to worry the brunet. He also didn't want to mention how his lungs felt like exploding when he entered his apartment complex yesterday, returning from a nearby bar.

Intouch lets out a small squeal while stretching, and then enters the kitchen. He hears both his and his Phi’s stomach growl, so he rummages through Korn’s fridge for breakfast. 

"Mm, be careful then, Phi. I thought you said you weren't as busy, so now you have the chance to sleep in?" The younger questions, bringing out some raw eggs, leftover rice, and some soy milk. Korn grabs a pan and places it on the stove, the shorter thanking him as he starts cooking breakfast for both of them.

"I am less busy, but more free time equals more leisure time. You know what that means." Korn answers, staying as vague as possible. He’s been spending less time facing people and more time hogging a toilet.

"Ah, don't overwhelm your brain, Phi! Stop pulling all-nighters." The shorter lightly scolds while pointing the spatula at the chocolate haired boy. 

"Tch. You do the same with your art. And besides, why are you scolding me? I'm your Phi, you little brat." Korn teases, the younger laughing wholeheartedly. 

"You say that, but you act like a kid." He counters, the older clicking his tongue again.

"Says the child who freaks out over Totoro plushies." Intouch splutters, placing the burnt eggs on a plate. 

"Rude." Is all he replies, moving on to cook fried rice.

"Whatever you say, Nong." Korn rubs his coconut head before heading for the bathroom, leaving a red-faced In behind.

~

After breakfast, the two boys lay on Korn’s mattress and choose a random movie from Netflix. The movie is confusing and complicated, so In turns his attention to the taller.

"It's almost winter break. Are you going to visit your family?" He asks, the older tensing up at his question.

 _I won't be here by the time the holidays arrive._ He thinks poorly, a frown on his face.

"Phi?" The brunet prods, seeing Korn’s face all out of it. 

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Yeah, they aren't too far from here by car." Korn answers, his face devoid of any emotion. The younger furrows his brows; there is something off with his Phi.

"P’Korn, are you okay? Why do you look so... I don't know, empty?" Korn gives the younger a tight smile, shaking his head. 

"Don't worry about it. I'll tell you when I’m ready." In squints his eyes at the chocolate haired boy before nodding. 

"Alright, take your time, Phi."

_**Evening** _

The rest of the day finds them browsing for movies online, bored to death but happy with each other's company. But of course, exactly like every day, the morning fades into dusk as the moon takes over the sky. This reminds Korn of his limited time, death creeping upon him like the night stalking day.

"N’In?" Korn looks down at the boy, who somehow ends up laying on Korn’s chest.

"Hmm?" The brunet carelessly hums, attention on Captain America as he finally wields Mjolnir in Avengers: Endgame. Korn, smiling at the younger's adorableness with his admiration for Marvel, taps the boy out of his stupor.

"Yes, Phi?" In glances up at the chocolate haired boy, removing his head from the broad chest. Once they are sitting up and both facing each other, Korn grabs the brunet’s small hands. 

"I think… I think I'm ready to tell you now." His voice cracks, mouth drying up like the Sahara desert. 

_I’m terrified._

The younger’s face changes from curiosity to complete seriousness.

"What's been on your mind, Phi?" The brunet asks, hands firmly squeezing back for moral support. 

"I have something to tell you. Wait, no - two things." The older glances down at their intertwined hands, feeling the cold sweat produced from his palms.

“I’m dying.” 

In stumbles off the bed and releases Korn’s hands, the once comforting hands searing his skin. His face blooms with a complexity of emotions - shock, confusion, worry; then, fear enters the brunet’s eyes, filling his brown eyes to the brim.

“What do you mean you’re dying? Phi, what the fuck? Stop joking, it’s not funny.” 

Despite his fierce words, In shouts weakly, his voice revealing his state of denial. 

“I’m not.” _I wish I was._

The younger stands still for one minute, and then another two more. He wills himself both mentally and physically.

“Are you sick?” It’s an innocent question that leaves a baleful impact.

Korn nods.

Again, the younger stays silent, the chocolate haired boy’s words settling in. He waits a little, maybe awhile, before indulging his terrorized curiosity.

“With...?” _Hanahaki. I’m slowly dying from the hanahaki disease._

The boy can’t seem to answer out loud, tongue glued to the roof of his mouth. This seems to anger the shorter.

“Phi, I asked you a question.” In clenches his fist, staring intensely at the curled up ball on the bed. 

Korn wipes his clammy hands. He opens and closes his mouth repeatedly until the words force themselves past his raw-bitten lips.

“Hanahaki. I’m dying of hanahaki, In.”

A weight lifts off his shoulders while another one lingers in his heart.

“H- Hanahaki?” In’s voice cracks, his fist unclenching and tense shoulders lowering to a slouch. He emits a dry laugh.

“Don’t do that, Phi.” A pause. “For a second, I thought you had something that’d inevitably lead you to your death.”

_But it will. I was doomed from the start, fate leading me to you. To my inescapable death._

As if the shorter can hear his thoughts, In suddenly tenses again, his body lines rigid and rough. 

Korn holds his breath. In exhales. 

“But... what is the second thing you want to tell me, Phi?" 

_Oh._

The older lifts his aching, weighty limbs from the soft sheets, bringing himself opposite to the younger. He then paces back and forth, passing his desk and bookshelf repeatedly. 

Intouch follows the chocolate haired boy’s movements, his eyes tracing the taller as he moves endlessly. It’s as if Korn is filled to the brim with one big ball of anxious, panic-stricken energy. 

“P’Korn?” The pale boy prods, eyes once more displaying fear. Fear for the lack of information, for the unspoken words, for his Phi.

Inhaling oxygen, Korn calms his unsteady, throbbing heart. He forces himself to stand still and face the shorter. 

_He’s going to hate me._

With that thought in mind, Korn leaves his body half in his room and half in the hallway. From here, he can easily run to the front door and flee from In.

In fails to notice this, only focused on staring at the older’s eyes. He tries to silently relay a wave of peace and security towards his Phi.

"I, um." Korn stutters, slowly backing up towards the door. The younger one faintly registers his movements.

"I- I’m so sorry, but-" The chocolate haired boy hesitates again, backing up even more as In takes a step forward. 

"I- I love you.” In’s eyes widen in disbelief.

“What-” The brunet’s voice croaks. “What did you say?”

Korn bites his lip, glancing at the door behind him through his peripheral. 

_Almost there._ He’s a few feet away.

Closing his eyes, Korn lets his tears fall. They gracefully dance down his high cheekbones, leaving a wet, glossy trail.

“I’m sorry that I love you so much, In. I love you to the point that it’s killing me!” The older shouts, flailing an arm back and feeling for the doorknob. As soon as he comes in contact with the cool metal, he yanks the door open and breaks into a sprint. Before he can reach the stairs, the older feels a harsh tug against his shirt that sends him falling back.

Immediately, Korn twists himself to grab a hold of a small waist, using his strength to switch their positions. Instead of crushing the younger, Korn’s back hits the floor with a loud thump.

 _Ouch._ He can already feel a bruise forming on his upper back.

Korn finally registers the small person laying on top of him, soft hair tickling his chin. He’s caressing the other’s tiny waist, large hands splayed out on the brunet’s sides.

_Fuck._

He lets go of the younger and attempts to pry him off of his muscular body but In holds on to the older for dear life.

“No, Phi. Stay.” Korn freezes, his insides fluttering with butterflies. His cheeks heat up, his face turning a light shade of pink.

Intouch lifts his head to look at his Phi, moving his hands from Korn’s sides to his broad chest. He uses it to prop himself up.

“Why did you run away, you big doofus? You didn’t even let me answer.” In pouts, wide eyes staring at the older.

“Your, your answer?” Korn’s voice is high, a mixture of hope and disbelief painted on his features.

In nods. He pauses, his demeanor changing from confident to doubtful. “You… you did mean what you said, right?”

Korn sends all the warmth and love he has for the younger through his gaze. “Yes. I meant every single word I said, In.”

In smiles brightly, eyes sparkling as they crinkle up in joy. He opens his mouth to give his reply but is abruptly interrupted by Korn. 

Pushing the younger off from on top of him, Korn sits up as a wave of tremors hit his body. He begins shaking uncontrollably, crouched over as he dry heaves. 

“Phi!” In crouches by the older, panic settling in his chest. He blindly searches for his phone, tears cascading down his cheeks as he watches his Phi in terror.

Korn coughs and coughs, body convulsing as he pukes out infinite amounts of clusters. Red covers them all, covers the long green stems and baby pink forget-me-nots, the smell of iron now filling the hallway. He tries to stop and calm his body to no avail. He can barely register what In is saying, let alone take control of his limbs.

_I’m dying. Help. Please, someone, HELP ME!_

Everything becomes fuzzy, Korn’s vision blurring and his hearing like cotton stuffed in his ears. He tries to speak, but the flowers won’t stop emerging. 

For the first time in months, he feels afraid - afraid of death, afraid of the nonstop clusters arising from his lungs. He blindly reaches out for the younger, his body collapsing from his futile attempt. Still, he somehow acknowledges the warmth in his right palm.

_Intouch._

The younger is full-on crying, tiny hands now clutching Korn’s right. His phone is discarded to the right of him, phone flashing to reveal an active call to 911.

“In- grk.” The older forces his vocal cords to work, blood gurgling his words. His body is getting heavy.

“Phi, don’t…!” Korn blinks hard, black spots dotting his vision. He can’t understand what In’s yelling.

 _I need to tell him, tell him one last time._ Korn thinks, fighting the darkness that threatens to swallow him.

“Grk-” He attempts to speak once more, flowers spilling in the way of his words.

“In, I- erk.” He wheezes, the regurgitating of flowers and blood slowing. 

“I… sorry.” The chocolate haired boy’s eyes begin to close, grip loosening from the younger.

“Love- love you.”

And the darkness envelopes him.

🌸

**Author's Note:**

> To everyone reading this, thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> This is part of a series, which includes the sequel.
> 
> Come yell at me on [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/heyitsacehere) :p


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